It's...5:54 AM on a Wednesday morning. I should be at work, getting ready to walk out the door. But I'm here at home. I haven't been to work in a week. I just shaved for the first time an hour ago. I'm a little sweaty, but that's because I've got the heat turned up and I just finished exercising. That's not important though. What is, is that I'm a bit of a wreck.
Let me explain a few things. I suffer from Depression, Anxiety, and OCD (the OCD I actually kind of enjoy...makes life a little more interesting). I'm on medication (Zoloft and Xanax), and most of the time, I do alright. But, like most depressed people, I sink pretty far down. And this week was one of those times.
Like some, not most, but some, depressed people, I have a habit of self-medicating when times get tough. Nothing illegal, of course. Just run-of-the-mill alcohol. I prefer liquor, but beer will work if I have to. That's what I did for the first half of this week. From Thursday night, until Saturday morning, I was drunk. Of course I wasn't drinking while I slept, but you get the idea. And it's a vicious cycle because I'd get drunk, feel better, sleep, wake up with a hangover, feel miserable, decide to drink again. Millions of people do this everyday, halfway successfully. But not me. I do not succeed.
I call off work. We have a few options for getting out of work unscheduled. We have sick-time, which is self-explanatory, emergency vacation, for times when you aren't sick but something bad has happened, and FMLA, which is basically not going to work to take care of someone or yourself due to a chronic problem. We build up sick- and vacation-time per pay-period, which is every two weeks. Being the champion that I am, I've not only been written up for calling off on the same day too many times, but also for falling under a certain balance of sick-time. As of this week, I'm officially out of sick-, and not only that, but will have to take leave without pay for two days. And emergency vacation can only take me so far, since I have to provide documentation of my emergency.
I don't have FMLA. Obviously I would want it. The Law states that any employee with FMLA be provided 12 weeks of unpaid leave per year, to use as necessary. Most people abuse this time, and I won't lie, I'd be one of them. In fact, I'm hoping to be one of them.
I asked my doctor about FMLA the last time I went in (which was to complain about my meds not working...which is why I'm on two now instead of just one). People generally get FMLA to take care of a family member, but it is possible to get it for yourself. The only catch...you have to be in therapy.
So, this morning, around 9:30, I'll be calling a local therapist, and scheduling an appointment. Soon, I will be therapized.
Expect updates on how all this is going.
Posts
Wow, really personal post...
ReplyDeleteWe'll talk some about it tonight :)
Hey Ryan, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch. Therapy might be a real help. My husband when through a really rough time two years ago. Between a combination of a crappy childhood, and a tramatic accident at work he was sent to a therapist and diagnosed with severe depression, post tramatic stress, and minor agoraphobia. He ended up missing 10 months from work that year, and was only part time for the 1st quarter he was back. Therapy really helped him. He still goes once a month, but he is doing great and is able to work and function normally. He says that just having someone to talk to about everything and anything really helped. I hope you find it just as helpful. You and Carl need take care of yourselves!
ReplyDeleteRyan, keep your chin up, you'll get through it. Depression is not a life sentance. You can pull through. I did, so can you. I've been med-free for 3 years now. Know that you and your show only add to the happiness of the cosmos. You're a postive person by default, so you're already armed with what you need to succeed.
ReplyDeleteDo what you need to do to heal, and know that it is possible.