Review: Clash of the Titans (2010)

Bad movies are good for business. Well, I mean my type of business. I think that I am personally at my best when I don't like something. I have actually gotten emails saying that I should be "angry" more often. No one wants to hear me talk about how the movie was beautifully shot, characters develop and there is a plot that is enjoyable. For that reason, I tend to focus on the negative. That and because I hate everything, so it's easier for me to find "angry" source material. So if you're one of the people that likes me when things are at their worse, you're in luck because I just saw "Clash of the Titans." I can't say that I hate this movie. To hate this movie would take more energy than it deserves or frankly more than might have went into it's production.

In case you didn't know, Clash of the Titans is based on the Greek myths about the demi-god Perseus. Actually, I think it's more safe to say that Clash of the Titans (2010) is based off the movie Clash of the Titans (1981) which was based off the Greek myths of the demi-god Perseus. The best way to describe the story is that the writers once over heard a person tell the story of Perseus at a party, thought it would make a good movie and then decided to write the script a couple days later after they sobered up. They ended up forgetting parts of the story, so he decides to use samples of other popular fantasy to fill in the holes. The end result is story that just doesn't seem to make sense.

So here is a little synopsis to illustrate my point. You have Perseus who's family is angry at the gods for no reason that is explained. Perseus' family is killed by a god. Perseus is now even more angry at the Gods. He goes to a giant city where other people really hate the gods, again no reason given. The characters in the movie always say the gods don't care, but this is never demonstrated. Actually, the exact opposite is shown. Any time we see a god, it seems like they are directly involving themselves in the lives of these mortals. They're either trying to give them gifts or destroy them. The gods seem pretty hands on.

Anyways, the royal family of this city piss off the gods. They are shocked when a god smites them. This god then says "Yo, you all be trippin'. We gots mad juice. You don't even understand. I'll pop a kraken your ass." Perseus is then joined by a dwarf, an elf, a couple humans and a handful of hobbits to save the princess... or the city... or destroy a ring. This fellowship then declare they are going to talk to some witches that might know a way to help. It's never really explained who these witches are or why they might have answers. They just decide to go.

Now, I know from previous reading that the Stygian Witches they're talking about are actually the Graeae from the greek myth, but it is never explained in the movie. It is seriously only one line of exposition. "We should go see the Stygian Witches, they might know how to kill a Kraken." That's it. It really comes across as these characters don't know what they're doing and just pissing in the wind.

Speaking of characters, characters are poorly handled in this movie. There are characters in bulk, but few are given any real growth. I only remember one of Perseus' companions because he has the same name as the Russian from Rocky IV. Even the main character Perseus fails to really grow as a character. He is more or less the same person, only he leveled up and got some super sweet item drops. I think it's safe to say that he doesn't really learn anything, except how to kill a gorgon.

The actors are actually pretty good. The cast includes some actors I really respect.  There isn't any problems with the performances, but they have nothing to do. I honestly feel that the actors were as bored with this movie as I was. I honest to God got bored. The thought crossed my mind that I should just go to the car and listen to NPR. By the end of the movie I wanted Perseus to kill the Kraken not because I cared about the character, but because I wanted the credits to roll.

There was some action in this movie. It might have been good action, but I couldn't see it. The trend in movies recently seems to be that action scenes have to have as much movement from behind the camera as in front of it. When you have lots of movement in the scene, moving the camera only makes it harder to see the excellent work that these stuntmen put into the movie. The movie is capped off with a chase scene that wasn't exciting and went on for way too long, which seems to be a great way to explain the movie as a whole.

So in the end you get a movie that is poorly written, hard to watch and just boring. Nothing in this movie is really done well, but nothing is done so poorly that it makes it unwatchable. That doesn't mean you'll want to watch it though. If you're looking for a story barely based on greek mythology, pick up a copy of God of War. It's more or less the same story only with boobs.

PROS: Liam Neeson looks bad ass as Zeus and the special effects are pretty good.

CONS: Lazy narrative and complete lack of character development, overly kinetic action scenes

Rating: 2 out of 5